Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me. Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful… that’s what matters to me. -- Steve Jobs The last span of days have been challenging in the extreme. The amount of drinking, of thinking, of fretting, and worrying has taken a toll. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. It’s been hard to keep a positive attitude through all this; when your mood is on a rollercoaster to hell, nothing really seems to matter.

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!” ― Hunter S. Thompson, The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967 I walked around the local cemetery yesterday, camera in hand, heart on my sleeve.

Sometimes it’s best not to know what’s behind the curtain; the facade is pleasing to the eye for a reason, and once we look behind it we start to get jaded and cynical. In more introspective moments, I can trace the growth of my cynicism. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop, never expecting anything to work out because it seemed safer that way. Less chance of being disappointed.

Winter - the snow has yet to fall, so everything outside is dull and lifeless. Snow would cover it up, reflect the light, make things seem better. The temperature of late has been like my mood - up some days, and then down others, and liable to change at any time. The days chart a curious cadence - some fast, some slow. The gloom is almost tangible. In my life, despair has always ridden shotgun with gloom.

My first job in IT involved working for a real winner of a boss; the type of boss who needs to use her position and authority to keep her employees down. The type that relied on her patron to borrow the degree of authority she had, and ultimately to keep her job. However, she failed to realize that trying to intimidate a 20-something fresh out of college probably wasn’t as easy as to beat down the older employees.