Literature - both poetry and prose - and music have been at the center of my life as long as I can remember. The emotion that comes to mind most readily when I think about my childhood is loneliness. I had very few friends, and my family was invested in what I like to think of as the “totally conditional love” approach to relationships. So for me, things that others learned from their family or peers were instead learned from books and songs.

Dave Grohl is a person who I admire not only for his amazing talent, but also the way he conducts himself. He holds on to his humanity, and it shows when he talks or writes or sings. This song was written during a period of time when Dave was worried about his future, his band’s future, and if it was worth it. His heartfelt lyrics about embracing adversity and using it to move yourself forward was a source of inspiration as I navigated the major life changes I had put into motion.

Stumbled across some writing from back when Peanut was born in 2018. Dr. Sexypants and I had been dating all through her pregnancy and this was the first major life event we were going through together. The birth of a child is always stressful and emotional, and in this case it was doubly so. This song was in my head when we went to the hospital for Peanut’s birth, which was a situation I never had envisioned myself being in again.

The last few weeks have been a struggle for clarity and stability. Brief, tantalizing glimpses of truth interspersed between hours of monotonous confusion. Moments of zen-like calm juxtaposed with the ache of pain and loss. The shock of being jolted awake from terror; heart pounding, sweating, shaking. In a sense, I’m paying off the emotional debt of a lifetime in a very short time. For so long I was used to boxing up my feelings and shoving them aside in order to get on with what I thought was important, as I ran towards a destination that moved farther away the more I tried to reach it.

I'm not looking back But I want to look around me now See more of the people And the places that surround me now -- Neil Peart, Time Stand Still A few hours in the company of a lovely woman seems like an instant, but a few hours at work an eternity. There is some - most likely apocryphal - quote attributed to Einstein about that being the definition of relativity.